... loving you is easy 'cause your beautiful. lalalalala LaLaLaLaLa
let's take a look at something. lets look deep in the eyes of the beast that eludes the majority common of thoughts and actions. let dangle the flesh of a fresh kill in front of the nose of the beast of beauty. like a storm it ovewhelms and consumes the foolish souls of the innocent on-lookers.
when we gaze upon it, it fades away. when we chase it it flies aways and mocks us from the clouds. everytime i step to alter of worship i am peed on by the cherub of fantastic remorse. but why?
the beauty beast is like a small retarded gopher. every time you aproach a hole it ducks in and pops up out of another just beyond reach. its a crying shame, but if i have learned anything from my numerous afternoons at the arcade it is this... you gotta whack alot of moles before you can afford the oversized novelty comb.
... hey joe where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
well, i'm not off to kill my old lady, but i am in the midst of a minor dilema. i have recently been alerted as to the circumstances of my sweet demise. it all started on my favorite rock by the beach and as i sat to read my newest copy of art forum (i love the dirty stories.) thats when i felt a pinch on my heel. when i looked down i saw that i was being acosted by a small purple crab.
'why arent you surfing young man?'
'little crab, that is none of your business.'
'are you afraid of the big dark waves?'
'no' i said when in fact i was a bit frightened.
'i doubt that, but in any case you shouldnt be.'
'what do you know little crab? you hide in the rocks clear of the bite of those feroscious beasts.'
'yes but when i was younger than you i lved in the ocean as free as the sardines and i had not a fear in the world.'
that was quite a feat in my opinion for an animal as small and as frail as crab fry.
'why werent you afraid little crab?'
'it was not my destiny. my destiny are these moist wholesome rocks. they were to be my home long before you were born and long before i was even hatched. they are me and i am they.'
'your riddles bug me little crab.'
'as they should young man. someone so foolish should be more open to new ideas because it is obvious you have much to learn.'
i have never met such an arrogant arthropod and on such a beautiful day. you meet the strangest people here in san pedro. its probably the water. OUCH. i felt a sharp jab on my heel.
'pay attention, young blood, i have something to tell you.'
'what is it? a new recipe for crab cakes?' i said sarcasticly.
'thats not funny nor is it my destiny to be your lunch.'
the small crab goes on about preening his rocks while he gets to his point.
'you shouldnt be afraid of those waves. those wave cannot kill you. it is not thier intention to do you in, besides that is not how you go. when you pass on it will be quiet and sweet. you will be in the company of all of your family, friends and children. even i shall be there.'
'how does a tiny purple crab know all of this?'
'sometimes things are not as they seem deryke.'
'and how do you know my name?'
'i know many things but, thats not all YOU need to know.'
just then a big wave came and knocked me off the rock i was sitting on. it swept away my shoes and took my magazine out to sea. i regained my balance on my rock and said...
'wow, crab are you sure about those waves?' i heard nothing.
'lil crab where are you?' still nothing.
i walked the beach for hour to find that lil crab with no luck. as i walked back to my lonely apartment and my solemn life i wonder about the crab and longed to know the rest of his story. on the way home i stopped to get another copy of my magazine. at the newstand i met the sweetest girl.
'that will be four fifty.'
i reach for my wallet but it is not there.
'i'm sorry i lost my wallet in the ocean just this afterrnoon.'
'don't worry i saved five extra dollars just for this ocasion.'
'here you go.'
'thank you very much, but...'
'you look down. have you lost a friend?'
'no, just a crab. well, maybe i did i'm not sure.'
'do you need any help finding him?'
'no. he'll find me i'm sure.'
'he seems very clever.'
'he may very well be.'
'well, deryke, i'll see you around. i may even marry you.'
'huh? how do you now my name?'
'a little shrimp told me. funny huh? he also told me that his friend said i would meet you today and marry you in the future and our children will be bright and sweet. do you believe me?'
... a moment of lovely silence.
'i dont doubt that at all and i guess you will be seeing me around. little creatures are seldom wrong. good night.'
two days later in the mail i recieved a waterlogged copy of art forum. with the words 'thanks for the read. i'll sea you along the way!' written on the cover. that was the last time i heard from that particular purple crab but, i'm sure it wont be the last.
so, if you are out there lil crab and you read this, i know you will because you are probably good with a computer. please stop by and visit us once more before i say my last good bye. i'm sure it will be pleasant and i promise to listen to every word you say. you are indeed the smartest arthropod i have ever met on any day.
listening to ))) the descendents - Thank You
... i can rock a house party at the drop of a hat and i can beat a body down with alunimum bat.
the news of my demise has been greatly exagerated. i simply wait for the light of day to fade before i go about my dark business. after only snoring can be heard from all my surrounding portals i creep out to the car. slowly open the door to be greeted by the electric sizzle of the automatic seatbelt.
my camera and i are on our way. on our way steal and mangle the souls of the city into beatiful images of what they wish they were. what they are without the shroud of everyday life to obscure the real image.
i do it for you and for me. for me it is the challenge of theft and the call of the wild artist to tag on the blank walls of your imagination. from me to you it is a gift. a gift of vision into my world. a way to let the gods that exist in all of you know that i am alive and kicking. to somehow show the nature of all existance that dc9000 is holding up his end of the bargain.
'wassup?' *head nod & grin*
... i choo choo choose you. and look there is a train on it!
while the seagulls fight amongst themselves for scraps of garbage. my toes warm up in holy socks with magic marker happy faces on them. today is no different than the rest, the grim spectre of defeat hovers gently outside my window waving a twix bar at me for us to share before he takes another life for his collection. he and i are tenuous friends at best.
today the tugboats stand guard at the mouth of the port while the clouds bear down to squeeze out thier babies on my freashly washed car. the sea is calm before the oncoming fluid exchange. everyday dodging bullets.
last night i dreampt of, rock and roll, truck crashes , chameloeon gardens, and her. we sought eachother out in the largest of cities to talk about laundry and shop for peter ghallager baseball cards from the OC. the gum was masticated and the air was complicated as i waved goodbye from the balcony of my old house while i played with gollum and fed him crickets. we joked and played halo two in stereo. frag after frag realizing that this vision was fleeting and falling away the closer to being consious i became.
when morning came i turned over and said hello to the shadow in the corner of my room. he trails behind me to the coffee machine and plagues me in the shower. we speak of the days agenda and joke about social security reform. that grim spectre is my newest friend and what a friend he is. the only one to qualify for permanent shotgun in my car.
'sure i'd like a twix, but you gotta go after this.'
... sweet dreams are made of cheese
outside the window the sky is grey and ominous and the complexion of every cloud looks down on the innocent beach with contempt and disdain. the wet rocks huddle close together by the bluff for safety and shelter while all the boats run for a safe port and let foolish men drive the 110.
on grey days, my dreams turn to love and the chasm inside me that aches for fulfillment while i drink warm coffee and draw little invisible finger pictures on my desk.
the world is for the bound. those who are attached to framework of society with thier hearts and souls. sometimes i can hear sweet soft voices in the dark that tell me 'it will all be o.k.' and as quickly as they show up they fall away with the morning sun and leave me to my solemn business.
so now the burden falls upon the lonely. sitting squarely on weak shoulders. pulling the weight of fallen expectations with naked feet on cold bathroom tiles. the clock radio plays 'sweet dreams' while the rain quietly lets me know i am not alone.
... hold for applause ... and scene.
anybody who gambles should know that 'the hard way' is just the way you gotta go sometimes. in life there are challenges and obstacles. the other night was no different. recently i had a falling out with one of our worlds larger bretheren. since this guy was a dick and i was equally as tired of him as he was of me. i decided that if he wanted to kick my ass we were gonna have to see about that.
outside the bar i stand there lookin up at a huge guy with the smuggest look on his fat face he says... 'what are you gonna fuckin do about it?' and laughes as he tokes on his cigarette like a supreme asshole. i know what he was expecting.
stop time now...
i ask you how many times is this gonna happen? how many times do you look fate in the eye and say 'aww fuck it man. i cant do it.'? well thats just not my style. i was having a confab with a dude on line and he proceeds to tell me that i have no passion and all this other BS about my ideas because my views differ quite a bit from his. in a nutshell i'm not sunshine and rainbows kinda guy because i aint a rookie and i have not been that way in a while. fine and dandy, its true, but to say i have no passion is the talk of a MEGA-rookie. put in the miles and still keep doin it and then get back to me brotha. i am a man of challenges. i didnt pick this route because i'm not smart, or scientific, i took it because its hard and not for the faint of heart. the realm of the no holds barred intrepid S.O.B.. i think i qualify.
start time again now ...
as i look back at that 300 pound bastard with his lit cigarette and his triumphant look on his big blockhead. i say to myself 'sometimes deryke (thats what i call myself) you just gotta roll SIX the hard way.' i guess its time to roll. i cock back my fist and clock that fuckin-fuck as hard and as often as i can before he pummles the living shit out of me. it was sweet. let me tell you that the moment of real freedom comes from the act of commitment. when all the cards are on the table. where fantasy and ideals sit back and let reality rear its bulbous ugly head. the raw bones of the world at thier finest. that moment before the sublime contact that says 'fuckin-A people! stand the fuck back and enjoy, because this ought to be good.'
7eLL m3 mor3
... share a moment with me
today i have realized that the earth is a flat surface and the end of the world is right here in san pedro and that all the wishes and old surfboards i have thrown in to the sea are now rocketing softly into the dark cosmos as they fall off the edge of the table.
as i don my trendy swim trunks and prepare for intergalactic travel i turn to you and ask 'will you do me a solid and please water my plants and feed lee majors because i shouldnt be more than a day or two.' i throw you the horns and then turn a warm familiar gaze to the ocean and run into the white surf just like i fell into the arms of summer the last day of my senior year. wave a fond good bye to me while i swim off to join my buddy mars and play with his new set of mint condition silver nasa rovers.
fly a k1te w1th me
... i want to get away, i wanna fly in the wind.
the air is chilly and bites at my nose. today is sweet and clear and i am alone. my car door pops open and i settle in for a drive to the beach to eat warm clam chowder and chat with the gulls over tea and vicodin.
i have a favorite spot for soup by the sea. the grill in seal beach is a spot where i can watch some tube and wander the windy pier with a warm toasty belly.
seal beach reminds me of being a kid in the warmest part of my life. all the memories that are buried in the sand under the dark brown pilings of the pier. all the lazy afternoons spent baking under the sun and talking with my friends about girls and skateboarding. all the lovely hours spent walking down the surf stained beach with my best girl. i can still smell her perfume in the salty air. it was angel. i can still hear the soft words of love whispering slowly from the sand. the surf does'nt wash everything away.
the small red spots of tobasco dot my chowdery bowl and the first warm taste brings fond memories to mind. a schooner of bud and some thick toast to finish it off. the sun is setting and the magic hour is upon me. after i pay the bill i snap a couple of pictures and remember all the beauty of the world and all the time we spent loving life and eachother under the warm sun by the wooden pier.
... 'x' marks the spot, naw kid, 'x' spots the mark.
i did this years ago in college after watching a certain movie and then checkin' out the book. big ups to jim thompson. i also recommend 'the killer inside me'. reading doesnt come natural to me so these have gotta be good.
... meet the lovely and talented Lee Majors.
me and lee have had 6 good years together. i first met lee at the booby trap. the booby trap is an old 5 bedroom victorian house in downtown LB. it is usually full of band people and the random artist. i had a studio there and in the afternoons when i was painting, a softball sized lee majors would wander upstairs and sit on my chest while i puffed a 'j' and contemplated the color structure of a new painting about fish. after a new roomate with 2 huge cats moved in they asked me if i knew anyone who would take crazy ass lee majors. i said that i would. a few apartments, a few girls, and a few scraps with the nieghborhood alpha males later, me and lee majors are still goin strong.
now lee is a large and calm adult. he doesnt live the punk lifestyle anymore but he still likes a scrap now and again. thats what i like about him. he doesnt mind getting down to business. now that's good pussy.
d2ves continued from d1ves
... i'll do the patty duke and incase you don't remember i can freak a funky beat like the shit was in a blender.
[continued from d1ves]
a small craft warning is out in the harbor and all surrounding coastal communities. the coast guard has lost several vessels in the area and things are looking down for the lost. every once in a while the sea and the city will cull the heard and take a couple for themselves for no reason at all. an unfulfillied ocean is an unforgiving force that knows not the rules of civilized man. just the hunger for destruction and retribution. the city is even worse.
the horse we saw the man about rolled and smoked well. colin and i had just made it to the spot and the first thought that came to mind was 'spidey sense tingling.'
'dude this place looks so skanky.'
'so are we gonna do this?'
'sure. is it just me, or do you feel a little like we are getting played?'
'a lil bit but XXX is cool and shit, man. it cant be all bad.'
'famous last words, kid.'
'i know. don't forget to lock the door.'
'aw-ight.' click, slam ...
this dive was a place for locals and when new blood broke the surface tension of the water the sharks began to circle. like the first vulture to a carcass we were joined by a fellow that wanted some cash. he didnt walk up to me, he went right after colin. colin is a tallish white guy who dresses like a rock kid and has the indie hair cut to match. we attempted to walk around to the front. this was a bad idea. the front of the bar was shut permanently and only a dirty side door was open. this made us look like even bigger targets. the guy's insistance on cash was becoming increasingly more aggressive. i reached out to grab colin and do a 180 to the side door. before my hand even got to him he spun around and we ducked in to the bar.
XXX and candy were at the opposite side of the bar with thier friends. colin and i joined them in good cheer. candy drunkenly wobbles up to me and in her best sex kitten voice says...
'so, how do you like it?'
'its quite the bar you brought us to.'
'shhhhhhh dont tell anyone about it. its sooooo cool.'
'trust me i'm not telling anyone about this place. hell sweetie, i barely even want to be here'
we both laugh and rounds are bought for us all.
the scene was full of old men with prison tattoos and old haggard women of questionable virtue. the amount of liver damage in the room was unquestionable. the beers and the tom foolery were flowing quite well at this point and the air seemed ripe with the smell of a pleasant evening. we all sat and drank from mini plastic pitchers of cheap beer on the wrong side of town. just as i became slightly more at ease in max's i hear...
'don't you fuckin do it earl! don't you fuckin do it!'
'dammit that sonofabitch is askin for it!'
'for the last god damn time earl dont you fuckin do it.'
i look over to my left and the well past her prime bartender was reaching across the bar to stop an old weather beaten man from jumping acroos the bar with a bottle after an equally old vato covered in penitentiary ink. it was like a live reading from a scene in BARFLY.
XXX and her friends soon become tired and take off. it is now just colin and i in the lions den. just after they leave. a few more folks from the outside world step in. one was the partner of the guy who 'needed' money. colin and i look at each other with a knowing look, but the beers were still full and there was still some bullshitting to be done. as the clock ticked on and the evening wound down the complexion of the crowd became louder and more angry. more pockets of violence were boiling up in the dark corners of the bar. i even thought i smelled burning heroin. although i am not sure. colin and i both felt our spidey sense tingle once more. we both looked out from our seats at the bar and around the dimly lit room and noticed every eye is on us. i turned around casually to look behind us for alternate exits or maybe a pool cue and saw a guy right ther looking back at us like he was hungry.
the bartender looked at us and told only us. 'last call guys time to go.' she kept looking at us after she spoke in the same way you look at someone you are tipping off to secret. there was a definate undertone of warning to her look. i looked at colin and he said...
we both got up and very crisply shot out the side door. as we left there was the guy posted up near a dark corner in the street waiting to do the old pick and roll on a couple of rookies from the suburbs, but that didnt go down 'cause i aint no rookie and niether was colin. we made a move on the car and bounced outta there ASAP.
'was that whole night weird?'
'was it just me or did you feel like we were gonna get jacked on several occasions.'
'oh yeah, mos def.'
'holy shit man.'
'you said it brother.'
nervous laughter and punk rock played through broken truck speakers as we shot outta there with a new story for all the would-be dive bar afficionados. four stars ****
... things we do when we are stuipid.
a south ground swell will generate a thick, fast, consistant, warm, and sizeable wave. when this happens it is generally a civilized event. this is in contrast to a north-western storm swell from the cold waters way off the atlantic coast of alaska. the wave is pulsey, irratic, unique in shape, cold, and angry. when the waters boil with this cruel northern swell it will kick 30 foot rooster tails off the rocks and rattle every bouy with a fierce vengeance. when this happens the people and the climate get cold and tense. the city and the sea both sit back and give you a dirty look.
from out of nowhere i get a call from XXX. i have not heard from her in quite sometime. XXX is a random girl that i know through a dude who knew this other guy and so on. well, anyways she says...
'hey deryke, whats up?'
'not much. i'm just on the computer. who's this?'
'oh shit! how are you?'
'good. i'll be in town later.'
'wanna hang out?'
'sure what the hell. the lakers are playing. i'll give you a shout after that.'
XXX is the kind of girl you are in to, but then again your not because shes kind of lame. lame in a cute way though. that in mind i go out in the rain to watch the lakers get thier asses handed to them by the boston celtics. that always bugs. after a while later comes.
i'm at the v-room and the red lights are making the gin taste strong and bitter. XXX shows up with her friend candy. candy is a blonde from texas with a cowgirl-baby doll voice that makes me shutter with devilish thoughts. i am already there with a friend that had other shit to do. the girls walk in with three guys. one was a guy that i had already known named colin. the others, i assumed, were thier dates. my friend looks over at me and preternaturally haveing seen the oncoming cluster fuck makes his departure. after a drink or two i notice that XXX's date is gone.
'hey XXX. where is your man?'
'he got booted'
'yeah, he's only 19.' i look at her waiting for the other shoe to drop.
'ok... that sucks, but i'll bite. now what?'
'we're goin to max's diner. its two blocks south of junipero street.'
colin and i decided to take another car and follow the crew. after stopping for a few minutes to see a man about a horse we drove to the location looking for a brightly lit diner with neon and paper hat wearing waiters from oklahoma. what we got was just the opposite. the actual name was 'max steiners' and it wasn't bright or friendly. this bar was your average hole-in-the-wall's dirty retarded cousin. it was a dive bar on the bad side of town that was so shady they dont even bother to card anybody. in the same breath i would also have to say that this place is not for rookies or the faint of heart.
... to be continued