Tuesday, October 04, 2005

OM- @#$#!'n -G p.2

now here is a cautionary tale for all of you out there in blogland...

ok, here we go. so there i am asleep full of dodger dogs and six dollar beers reveling over my home teams useless victory over another lame team that did not make the playoffs either. good stuff, huh? then all out of no where my bedroom door slams open and all hell breaks loose. this crazy ass bitch comes in screaming at the top of her lungs...

'who stole my last cigarette, i know ytou stole it. why the fuck would you do that? GO BUY ME CIGARETTES!'
'wha? huh?'

my door slams shut again and i'm thinking to myself. 'what the fuck i dont even smoke! plus i aint buying HER shit.'
the door slams open again and she comes in screaming at me.'you motherfucker, how could you do that you ugly fucker!' and she goes across my room and grabs my car keys and starts to walk out'

not on my time bitch! i got up and walked after her into the living room. 'give me my fuckin' keys you crazy bitch! you aint goin nowhere!' she backs up and tries to hold them away from me. now, she's a tall girl so i grab her arm and wrench them out.

'look bitch you gotta get out of this house to-fuckin-day!!'
'fuck you , you fat ugly asshole. BUY ME CIGARETTES NOW!'
'i dont even smoke you horrible bitch. have you ever seen me touch a cigarette? NO, you have not. now shut the fuck up and collect your shit. you gotta go!'
'i'm not leavingm you said i could stay and thats what i'm gonna do.'
'nope, your wrong you just fucked all that up! you dont step to me in MY house like that, or anybody for that matter you selfish bitch. the world don't owe you shit and neither do i!'
'fuck you!'
'nobody wants to hear it, and nobody cares.'
'no deryke, nobody cares about you!'
'dont play like that. you sound pathetic. now get your shit and leave fuck you!'

she gets up and starts to run back to the other bedroom. i ran after her.

'get the fuck away from me i want to be alone!' and tries to slam the door.
'bitch, this is my house, not yours and you don't GET to be alone,' and i smacked open the door pretty hard and wildly, 'if you want to be alone go be alone in the bathroom, then get your shit and get the fuck out you crazy cracked-out bitch!'
'thats it i'm calling baroushe.' (some dude who also dont like her)
'go the fuck ahead, but dont forget to get your shit and go. i'm calling the cops.'

i went out into the living room, got the pigs on the line and asked them to send over an officer. right when they are getting ready to do it she walkes out very quickly and says she needs some air. probably not her first time.

'officer, she's leaving.'
'well sir if she's leaving get all her stuff and throw it out on the porch and dont ever have anybody else over again.'
'good advice officer.'
'if she come back we'll send somebody.'

after i got off the phone with the fuzz, i grabbed all her shit and tossed it down at the bottom of the stairs. i then promptly bailed and came back the next day to see if the broad had bounced. all her shit was packed up neatly, but still there. so i grabbed it all and put it out by the trash cans. good riddance.

this whole thing was a shit-storm of craziness that i do not want to repeat. it was pretty much over until the other night.

its evening and i'm relaxing with a bottle of wine and the family guy when i hear a knocking. i get up put down my glass of crappy wine (thats how i roll) and go check the peep hole. IT's HER, wtf? i dont answer and turn offthe lights and tv and shut the drapes. what is wrong with this ho?

she keeps rapping on the door and i then notice that its unlocked. i'm now standing in the kitchen where the view of the door opens tward me, like i'm behind it. she would try to break in, or would she. she's one of these line steppin bitches. a habitual line stepper you might say. so right as i think that the door begins to open. this bitch dont get it. so i let the door open about 12 inches and then i go into action. from across the room i run at the door and chuck norris styule kick it shut making sure the door hits her a bit.

'get the fuck away from me you stupid cunt and never come back!'
all i hear is 'please deryke' in her nicest i've-been-kicked-out-of-somewhere-else voice. that was it i locked the door and that was the end for me. thank goodness. i just heard that shes calling all my friends and trying to stay with them.


there is more but i'll let your imagination fill in the blanks.

listening to ))) the calm after the storm

The Dead Kennedys - I Fought The Law