Sunday, November 28, 2004

4 wh@+ itZ worth ....

... i have a picture in my room. its a picture of a girl in a red sweater on an overcast day . in the picture there is a lonely beach some boats and a couple of good kids.

this picture is haunting me. it represents all that is warm and happy within myself, but at the same time, it is a reminder of what is no more. its funny how the red in her sweater doesnt seem to fade with time, and it does not tarnish like most of my photos. in a way it almost becomes brighter against the background as time goes washing past.

the expression on her face was one of trust and love with shiney eyes and a hint suspension of disbelief. my world has been built up and 'eaten by the monster of love' more than once in my day and my eyes have since become weary and tired from looking up at the bright bright sun after a nasty heart hangover.

well for what its worth, it has come to my attention that the walloping that my heart has taken, has not been the death of it. for sometime i thought that it had finally been beat to a pulp and taken out of commission. its been about a year since the so-called last breath of life fell out of my ol' beater, and sadly enough i have noticed that the only time it shakes is for the lil picture of that lil gal in the big red sweater. i dont kow if there is anything i can do about it but, its mixed message of sad loser / hopeful romantic is one of crappy ambivolence and really does nothing to make me feel better about myself, but the fact that i am not dead inside is good enough for me.